How to Get a Restraining Order

This article was co-authored by Clinton M. Sandvick, JD, PhD. Clinton M. Sandvick worked as a civil litigator in California for over 7 years. He received his JD from the University of Wisconsin-Madison in 1998 and his PhD in American History from the University of Oregon in 2013.

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If you or your children are going through abuse or getting threats, you can get a restraining order against your abuser. The threats can be from a domestic partner, family member, or stranger. A restraining order is a court order that prevents the abuser from coming into contact with you. A restraining order offers certain protections and allows for consequences if your abuser violates the order. Once you understand this information, you can go through the process of getting one.

Deciding to Get a Restraining Order

• The destruction of personal property is also considered a threat to you and your children's life.
• For example, a woman and her children are being bothered by the woman's previous boyfriend. One day he breaks into the woman's house or car window. When this happens, the woman can file for a restraining order on behalf of herself and her children. Even if the boyfriend still lives in the home, she can get a restraining order if he has acted violently toward her and her children.

• In addition to legal help, remember to rely on emotional support. Contact friends or family members to help you through this difficult time.
• Consider seeing a therapist or going to a support group for victims of abuse or stalking. If you have children, allow them to see a therapist, too.

• If you believe that you or your children are in danger from the abuser, even with the restraining order in effect, call 911. Do not rely on the restraining order for complete protection. It is possible that your abuser will violate the order and cause you serious harm.

Remember that abuse is never your fault. Many victims of abuse hesitate to take legal action against abusers because they feel that they have brought the abuse upon themselves. Regardless of your own words and actions, abuse is not your fault. You deserve to live a happy life, free from threats and fear. [1] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source

Filing a Restraining Order

Obtain the proper forms. You need to visit the courthouse in your county. You may also need one from the other party's county or the county where the abuse took place. You need to ask the clerk at the courthouse for a request form for the type of restraining order you wish to file. Some areas have these forms on the state website. In this case, you can print the forms out and have them ready when you go to the courthouse. [2] X Research source [3] X Research source

• You may have questions but don't want to or can't afford a lawyer. In this case, ask for help from your local court staff or an advocate. They may be able to answer your questions.
• You can call a domestic violence hotline to ask about your options. In some cases, the organization connected with the hotline, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline, can get a lawyer for you.

• You will also need to bring medical records or police reports that detail any abuse the abuser inflicted on you or your children. [4] X Research source

• In some states you may request not to have a hearing. A judge can still order one and you have to attend. If you don't wish to have a hearing, your order can be limited. In these cases, the judge can order an abuser to leave the home if you live together. The judge can also ask the abuser to cease threatening their spouse or children. In this situation, the order can require little else. [5] X Research source

• You can find a process server by looking in the phone book or an online phone directory.
• If personal service is required in your state, you will need to have the County Sheriff or a process server give the abuser the papers. When giving the papers this way, the Clerk's Office or the Court will take care the situation. There may be a fee. Call the County Clerk or the Sheriff's Office in your area for more details.
• In many states, you can give papers to someone by publication. This is only when you cannot locate them. You publish something specified by the court in the newspaper for a certain amount of time. Even if the defendant does not see it, they have been served. [6] X Research source

• When you attend your hearing, dress nicely and remain calm. Do not yell or show any anger, even if you are angry or upset. This will not help you get a restraining order. Pay attention to how you talk to the judge.
• You have to go to the hearing or the process will be delayed.
• You may have a lawyer present at your hearing, but it isn't mandatory.

Receive the judge's decision. The judge will usually decide whether to issue the restraining order the same day as the hearing. If your request is granted, the judge will issue a restraining order that can last up to five years. It describes the rights your receive with the order. It also explains the limitations imposed upon the other person. [7] X Research source

Gain hope through knowledge. "When I first started reading this article, I felt overwhelmed and powerless about my situation with my abusive ex. But having all the steps laid out so clearly, with visuals and details about my rights, left me feeling hopeful. Now I understand I have options to protect myself legally. I have a long road ahead, but I feel confident I can take control again." - Leanne T.

Overcome system failures and persist. "After the judge denied my request for a restraining order, I felt so defeated. But this article showed me that as unjust as it seems, the legal system fails people sometimes. Through more research and legal help, I realized the decision wasn't about me personally. Now, I know to keep trying, stay determined despite hurdles, and use all resources available. I owe it to myself and my kids to keep pushing forward." - Toya C.

Safeguard a friend from further harm. "When my childhood friend told me her brother had been threatening and assaulting her, my heart broke. I immediately thought of this wikiHow guide on restraining orders. My friend was scared of escalating things legally, but the clear information here helped me walk her through what to expect. Now, thanks to getting an order, the abuse has stopped completely, and she is rebuilding her life." - Genola K.

Gain tools to protect yourself and your children. "As a single mom trying to leave an abusive relationship, I constantly worried about my ex's retaliation. But after reading this, I have hope again. My kids and I shouldn't have to live in fear. Now, I understand the step-by-step process to get a restraining order tailored to my situation. I finally have clarity that we can legally protect ourselves while getting fully free of this man for good." - Aderyn A.

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